John Cooper Clarke


7.00pm - 10.00pm


The Poet Laureate of Punk returns to Glasgow for a specil show at the SWG3 venue on Kelvinhaugh St.

SWG3 – Studio Warehouse, 100 Eastvale Place, Glasgow, G3 8QG.


Like a Night Club in the morning, you’re the bitter end.
Like a recently disinfected shit-house, you’re clean round the bend.
You give me the horrors
too bad to be true
All of my tomorrow’s
are lousy coz of you.

You put the Shat in Shatter
Put the Pain in Spain
Your germs are splattered about
Your face is just a stain

You’re certainly no raver, commonly known as a drag.
Do us all a favour, here… wear this polythene bag.

You’re like a dose of scabies,
I’ve got you under my skin.
You make life a fairy tale… Grimm!

People mention murder, the moment you arrive.
I’d consider killing you if I thought you were alive.
You’ve got this slippery quality,
it makes me think of phlegm,
and a dual personality
I hate both of them.

Your bad breath, vamps disease, destruction, and decay.
Please, please, please, please, take yourself away.
Like a death a birthday party,
you ruin all the fun.
Like a sucked and spat our smartie,
you’re no use to anyone.
Like the shadow of the guillotine
on a dead consumptive’s face.
Speaking as an outsider,
what do you think of the human race

You went to a progressive psychiatrist.
He recommended suicide…
before scratching your bad name off his list,
and pointing the way outside.

You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart.
You’re heading for a breakdown,
better pull yourself apart.

Your dirty name gets passed about when something goes amiss.
Your attitudes are platitudes,
just make me wanna piss.

What kind of creature bore you
Was is some kind of bat
They can’t find a good word for you,
but I can…

Over 18s only

Buy Tickets

Not available online at this time


100 Eastvale Place
United Kingdom
G3 8QG

Venue Details

THU 15 OCT 2015
From The Jam Ft Bruce Foxton *Please note change of date*
Lemon Tree, Aberdeen£21.00
FRI 16 OCT 2015
Stereo, Glasgow7:30pm£10.00
From The Jam Ft Bruce Foxton
Liquid Room, EdinburghDoors 7pm £21.00
SAT 17 OCT 2015
From The Jam ft. Bruce Foxton *rescheduled from 1/5/15 Please note change of venue
SWG3, GlasgowDoors 7.00pm£21.00
MON 19 OCT 2015
La Luz
Hug & Pint, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£8.00
TUE 20 OCT 2015
Tallest Man On Earth
O2 ABC 1, Glasgow7.00 p.m.£21.00
THU 22 OCT 2015
Songhoy Blues
SWG3, GlasgowDoors 7.00pm£12.00
Mild High Club
Hug & Pint, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£7.00
SAT 24 OCT 2015
Ian Siegal (solo)
Hug & Pint, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£12.00
SUN 25 OCT 2015
O2 ABC, Glasgow7.00pm£15.00
Godspeed You! Black Emperor
Liquid Room, EdinburghDoors 7pm£24.00
MON 26 OCT 2015
Stereo, Glasgow8.00 p.m.£11.00
TUE 27 OCT 2015
Mates of State
Hug & Pint, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£8.00
THU 29 OCT 2015
Oui Love Tour: St Lo, Saycet, Acre Tarn
Hug & Pint, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£5.00
FRI 30 OCT 2015
BMX Bandits
Hug & Pint, GlasgowDoors 8.00pmSOLD OUT
SAT 31 OCT 2015
Hug & Pint, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£15.50
Hooton Tennis Club
Glad Cafe, ShawlandsDoors 7.30pm£7.00
SUN 1 NOV 2015
Hug & Pint, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£7.00
MON 2 NOV 2015
Stereo, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£17.50
TUE 3 NOV 2015
Atlas Sound
SWG3, GlasgowDoors 7.00pm£15.00
Hug & Pint, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£8.00
WED 4 NOV 2015
Rats on Rafts
Hug & Pint, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£7.50
Silent Hill - Live
The Art School, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£25.00
THU 5 NOV 2015
Jenny Hval
The Hug & PintDoors 7.30pm£8.50
FRI 6 NOV 2015
Hug & Pint, Glasgow7.30 p.m.£8.00
SAT 7 NOV 2015
Bill Ryder-Jones
Hug & Pint, Glasgow7.30pm£10.00
SUN 8 NOV 2015
Bill Ryder-Jones
The Mash House, EdinburghDoors 7.30pm£9.00
THU 12 NOV 2015
Beans On Toast
Stereo, GlasgowDoors 7.00pm£10.00
FRI 13 NOV 2015
Julia Holter
Hug & Pint, GlasgowDoors 8.00pmSOLD OUT
SAT 14 NOV 2015
Electric Circus, Edinburgh7pm £16.50
United Fruit
Hug & Pint, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£7.00