John Cooper Clarke


7.00pm - 10.00pm


The Poet Laureate of Punk returns to Glasgow for a specil show at the SWG3 venue on Kelvinhaugh St.

SWG3 – Studio Warehouse, 100 Eastvale Place, Glasgow, G3 8QG.


Like a Night Club in the morning, you’re the bitter end.
Like a recently disinfected shit-house, you’re clean round the bend.
You give me the horrors
too bad to be true
All of my tomorrow’s
are lousy coz of you.

You put the Shat in Shatter
Put the Pain in Spain
Your germs are splattered about
Your face is just a stain

You’re certainly no raver, commonly known as a drag.
Do us all a favour, here… wear this polythene bag.

You’re like a dose of scabies,
I’ve got you under my skin.
You make life a fairy tale… Grimm!

People mention murder, the moment you arrive.
I’d consider killing you if I thought you were alive.
You’ve got this slippery quality,
it makes me think of phlegm,
and a dual personality
I hate both of them.

Your bad breath, vamps disease, destruction, and decay.
Please, please, please, please, take yourself away.
Like a death a birthday party,
you ruin all the fun.
Like a sucked and spat our smartie,
you’re no use to anyone.
Like the shadow of the guillotine
on a dead consumptive’s face.
Speaking as an outsider,
what do you think of the human race

You went to a progressive psychiatrist.
He recommended suicide…
before scratching your bad name off his list,
and pointing the way outside.

You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart.
You’re heading for a breakdown,
better pull yourself apart.

Your dirty name gets passed about when something goes amiss.
Your attitudes are platitudes,
just make me wanna piss.

What kind of creature bore you
Was is some kind of bat
They can’t find a good word for you,
but I can…

Over 18s only

Buy Tickets

Not available online at this time


100 Eastvale Place
United Kingdom
G3 8QG

Venue Details

TUE 1 DEC 2015
Hug & Pint, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£6.00
FRI 11 DEC 2015
The Beat
SWG3, GlasgowDoors 7.00pm£19.00
Poetry Club, SWG3, GlasgowDoors 7.00pm£10.00
Blanck Mass (Ben Power of F*ck Buttons)
+ special guests
Stereo, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£10.00
SAT 12 DEC 2015
Treacherous Orchestra
Drygate, Glasgow7.30 p.m.£14.00
SUN 13 DEC 2015
Jeffrey Lewis & Los Bolts
The Mash House, EdinburghDoors 7.30pm£10.00
SAT 19 DEC 2015
John Bramwell (I am Kloot)
The Mash House, EdinburghDoors 7pm£15.00
SUN 20 DEC 2015
John Bramwell ( I Am Kloot )
The Hug & Pint7.30 p.m.£15.00
MON 21 DEC 2015
Vladimir, Bar Dogs, Vida
Hug & Pint, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£5.00
TUE 22 DEC 2015
Roddy Woomble's Christmas Hootenanny
+ Andrew Wasylyk
Hug & Pint, GlasgowDoors 7.30pmSOLD OUT
WED 23 DEC 2015
Roddy Woomble's Christmas Hootenanny
+ Sorren Maclean
Hug & Pint, GlasgowDoors 7.30pmSOLD OUT
THU 14 JAN 2016
Kiran Leonard & Friends
Hug & Pint, Glasgow7:30pm£8.00
FRI 15 JAN 2016
Aaron Fyfe & Friends
Hug & Pint, Glasgow7:30pm£7.00
SAT 16 JAN 2016
De Rosa & Friends
Hug & Pint, Glasgow7:30pm£8.00
SUN 17 JAN 2016
The Mermaids & Genesee
Hug & Pint, Glasgow7:30pm£6.50
MON 18 JAN 2016
Carbs, Ultras & JJJJonathan
Hug & Pint, Glasgow7:30pm£7.00
TUE 19 JAN 2016
Andrew Wasylyk
Hug & Pint, Glasgow7:30pm£7.50
THU 21 JAN 2016
Marry Waterson & Alistair Ogilvy
Hug & Pint, Glasgow7:30pm£10.00
FRI 22 JAN 2016
Beach Slang
Hug & Pint, Glasgow7.30 p.m.£8.00
SAT 23 JAN 2016
The Drink
Hug & Pint, Glasgow7:30pm£7.00
The Beat
Electric Circus, Edinburgh7PM £19.00
SUN 24 JAN 2016
Twelfth Day & MJ McCarthy
Hug & Pint, Glasgow7:30pm£7.00
MON 25 JAN 2016
Three Blind Wolves
Hug & Pint, Glasgow7:30pm£8.00
Matthew E White
Electric Circus, EdinburghDoors 7pm£15.00
TUE 26 JAN 2016
Uncle Lucius, Tommy Reilly & Ryan Joseph Burns
Hug & Pint, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£9.00
WED 27 JAN 2016
Hug & Pint, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£7.50
THU 28 JAN 2016
Rick Redbeard & Friends
Hug & Pint, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£11.00
FRI 29 JAN 2016
Air Waves
Hug & Pint, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£6.50
SAT 30 JAN 2016
Hug & Pint, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£8.50
SUN 31 JAN 2016
A Mote of Dust & Friends
Hug & Pint, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£9.00
FRI 5 FEB 2016
Martha Ffion
Hug & Pint, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£7.00