John Cooper Clarke


7.00pm - 10.00pm


The Poet Laureate of Punk returns to Glasgow for a specil show at the SWG3 venue on Kelvinhaugh St.

SWG3 – Studio Warehouse, 100 Eastvale Place, Glasgow, G3 8QG.


Like a Night Club in the morning, you’re the bitter end.
Like a recently disinfected shit-house, you’re clean round the bend.
You give me the horrors
too bad to be true
All of my tomorrow’s
are lousy coz of you.

You put the Shat in Shatter
Put the Pain in Spain
Your germs are splattered about
Your face is just a stain

You’re certainly no raver, commonly known as a drag.
Do us all a favour, here… wear this polythene bag.

You’re like a dose of scabies,
I’ve got you under my skin.
You make life a fairy tale… Grimm!

People mention murder, the moment you arrive.
I’d consider killing you if I thought you were alive.
You’ve got this slippery quality,
it makes me think of phlegm,
and a dual personality
I hate both of them.

Your bad breath, vamps disease, destruction, and decay.
Please, please, please, please, take yourself away.
Like a death a birthday party,
you ruin all the fun.
Like a sucked and spat our smartie,
you’re no use to anyone.
Like the shadow of the guillotine
on a dead consumptive’s face.
Speaking as an outsider,
what do you think of the human race

You went to a progressive psychiatrist.
He recommended suicide…
before scratching your bad name off his list,
and pointing the way outside.

You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart.
You’re heading for a breakdown,
better pull yourself apart.

Your dirty name gets passed about when something goes amiss.
Your attitudes are platitudes,
just make me wanna piss.

What kind of creature bore you
Was is some kind of bat
They can’t find a good word for you,
but I can…

Over 18s only

Buy Tickets

Not available online at this time


100 Eastvale Place
United Kingdom
G3 8QG

Venue Details

FRI 21 OCT 2016
Hug & Pint, GlasgowDoors 7.30pmSold Out
From The Jam ft Bruce Foxton
The Art School, GlasgowDoors 8.00pmSold Out
SAT 22 OCT 2016
The Tubes featuring Fee Waybill
The Art School, GlasgowDoors 7.00pm£24.00
Josienne Clarke and Ben Walker
Hug & Pint, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£10.00
From The Jam Ft Bruce Foxton
Lemon Tree, AberdeenDoors 8pm £23.50
SUN 23 OCT 2016
Haley Bonar
Hug & Pint, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£9.00
From The Jam Ft Bruce Foxton
Liquid Room, EdinburghDoors 7pm £23.50
WED 26 OCT 2016
Amber Arcades
Hug & Pint, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£8.50
THU 27 OCT 2016
She Drew The Gun
Hug & Pint, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£8.00
FRI 28 OCT 2016
The Beat
Drygate, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£22.00
The Posies
Hug & Pint, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£17.50
Bossy Love
The Mash House, EdinburghDoors 7pm £7.50
SAT 29 OCT 2016
Hooton Tennis Club
Stereo, Glasgow7.00 p.m.£9.00
Bossy Love
Poetry Club, SWG3, GlasgowDoors 7.00pm£7.50
Robyn Hitchcock
CCA, GlasgowDoors 7.30pmSOLD OUT
SUN 30 OCT 2016
Zombie Zombie
Stereo, Glasgow7.30 p.m.£12.00
Oh Pep!
Hug & Pint, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£6.00
MON 31 OCT 2016
Telegram & Phobophobes
Hug & Pint, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£8.00
WED 2 NOV 2016
Bright Light Bright Light
and Chad Valley
Stereo, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£10.50
Simone Felice
Hug & Pint, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£15.00
FRI 4 NOV 2016
Nap Eyes
Hug & Pint, Glasgow7.30 p.m.£8.50
The Cinematic Orchestra
Kathryn Joseph
O2 Academy, GlasgowDoors 7.00pm£27.50
SUN 6 NOV 2016
Uncle Lucius
Hug & Pint, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£10.00
MON 7 NOV 2016
Margaret Glaspy * please note venue change*
Stereo, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£8.00
Beach Slang
Mono, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£12.00
TUE 8 NOV 2016
The Wytches
Oran Mor, GlasgowDoors 7:30pm£10.00
THU 10 NOV 2016
Stereo, GlasgowDoors 7.00pm£9.00
SUN 13 NOV 2016
C. MacLeod
Hug & Pint, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£8.00
TUE 15 NOV 2016
Sarah Jaffe
+ support
Hug & Pint, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£7.50
THU 17 NOV 2016
Julia Holter
The Art School, GlasgowDoors 7.00pm£18.50
Charlotte Carpenter
Hug & Pint, GlasgowDoors 7.30pm£6.50